I woke up this morning at around 8:00 A.M. and I was giddy to get out of bed. I cooked breakfast and practiced my guitar playing (a Charlie Christian Solo). Now, the thing that I found particularly fascinating was my enthusiasm to start my day. As of late, I have been looking forward to waking up and being alive. Now, admittedly, I fear that this pleasure I describe is fleeting, as the more I talk in absolutes to my life (or anything for that matter), the more I find them to be untrue. Nonetheless, in the case of this morning (as well as for the past month or so), I hardly sleep as much as a normal person should, and prefer to get up early like a fisherman or a surfer in pursuit of the perfect catch. But why?
As I was cutting up the vegetables for my dirty eggs, I mulled over this question for quite some time and tried to collect a number of facts that I thought might be relevant to the happiness I was feeling:
- I don't work for anyone else; I am in business for myself. Therefore, I can get up and work whenever I want to work (or need to... most of us have bills to pay). However, I am really eager to work hard as I have found that I work with more diligence for myself than I will for anyone else.
- Music is my business. I get to focus on my main passion in order to survive.
- I have people around me that love me (and I too them). This is hard to ignore and I dare say that I could live another day without this.
- I have been trying (perhaps entirely in vain) to hold on to a piece of my youth; the ever elusive side of me that used to sit in my room when I was 5 or 6 years old, making things and being creative. It seems like this is becoming increasingly difficult to hold on to as I get older and just as our own human metamorphosis never seems to stand out as much when we look in the mirror at the same face everyday, for this reason, I experience this most prevalently in my peers and it comes across in a very frightening manner at times; it's like a dark ominous shadow that crawls over the face of my loved ones and pollutes the very essence of their youth. Life and the pursuit of survival seems to do an efficient job of stealing this sort of essential life blood from our veins. I too worry that this is a battle that I won't win... however, I can say that I have escaped the grasp of this eclipse this morning.
- I am surrounded by creative gifts that artists birth into this world like an expectant mother. I get to wake up and take all of this in like a deep breath, whether it be a good book, CD, or a piece of art work... maybe even a delicious recipe.
- Health? I've been running a lot. This does something special for my head; it makes me think in a way that I relish.
Who is to know for sure why I have been so anxious and giddy to greet my day. I am sure that I will rejoin the ranks of pessimism here shortly. Perhaps someone will step on my rose-colored glasses (just please don't do it today after you read this blog... let me enjoy this). Happiness is so fleeting. I'll try not to hold on too tight; it might be fragile.
I'm reminded of a great scene from a movie that I absolutely adore:
Here's to staying young on the inside and I'll try to be careful what I wish for. I hope this finds some of you feeling equally well; if not, I would happily trade some of my joy for anyone's pain. It's the least I can do.
-Mike
